Dateline, Roswell, GA When the dust settled the TCS Staff appeared to cement their second consecutive victory in the annual Alumni-Staff basketball game. The two teams pummeled each other with improbable scores (including a pair of Chris Schleier trifectas) and big defensive stops all evening long. Nursing a three point edge, the Alumni looked on in horror as Jeff Masisak (Lesley’s husband) drained a three pointer to tie the score at 47. With seconds left in the contest Richie Briggs dished the dime to Davi Pace (brother of HS Counselor Kristen Bell) who buried a jumper with cold-blooded flair to break the tie and give the Staff a two point advantage. With precious few ticks left on the clock, Jordan Webb received the inbounds pass and launched a desperation missile from 60 feet away. The shot fell short and the buzzer sounded.
“What a win!” exalted Assistant Principal Ivan Plastiak. “A fitting finish to a grueling contest.”
Added Assistant Varsity Coach Suroy Henderson, “Age and experience definitely trumped youth and a whole lot of bad haircuts on this night.”
The evening witnessed the largest turnout of alumni participants in the storied history of the homecoming contest, with twenty four participants taking the court during the night. “Last year’s result, and the planted story of the game’s cancellation served only to make us more determined. . .more committed,” explained class of 2002 representative Richie Wood. However, the final buzzer did not spell an end to the contest.
Alumni Coach Cutchin
Unbeknownst to the exiting spectators, Alumni Coach Lyle Cutchin, Eddie Rogers (2003) and Rob Burdett (2004) placed an emergency conference call to the American Amateur Basketball Union (AABU), the governing body of high school and college basketball in the United States. According to well-placed officials in the AABU hierarchy, the Alumni brain trust issued a formal protest on the grounds that the Staff “. . .fraudulently, and with deliberate planning and malice. . .employed players who did not belong, in any way conceivable, to the TCS Staff.” Indeed, the AABU fielded the protest, quickly dispatched field representatives to Roswell for an investigation, before issuing a stunning judgment Monday afternoon.
The AABU press release states in part that “All available evidence indicates the presence of illegal players on Richie Briggs’ team. . .Consistent with the standards for roster integrity outlined in AABU bylaws, the Staff must forfeit the game, allowing the Alumni to win by default.” The report concludes “. . .that for record keeping purposes, the result from henceforth will stand as Alumni Young Guns 1 – TCS Staff – 0.”
Pirates’ Coach Briggs.
When asked to comment about the surprise ruling, former Varsity standout A.J. Detmar stated “I knew something was up. It was as though I was seeing double. There were clearly two Richies running around on that court.” Such a body double indeed belonged to another member of the Briggs family, Richie’s brother, Robby Briggs, who holds no position with TCS. Jordan Webb concurred, noting “I did not graduate that long ago, and I did not recognize half the folks in the white uniforms. Someone was beating the bushes to upgrade the talent level.”
What diabolical plot turns await the 2014 edition of the game? Only time will tell.